This afternoon I came home to a very sullen Macy Walker perched on the couch watching SpongeBob. Typically I would walk through the door being met with a "Hi Mom! How was your day?", followed with hugs and kisses and exclaiming "Look at my papers!" Not today though. A much different side awaited me. Noticing her different demeanor, I sat on the couch next to her, turned down the TV and began to ask if everything was ok ... you know, because she's still at the age where she'll discuss her day & not say the rehearsed boring line of, "nothing".
Immediately, tears filled her eyes as she looked at me. Me, being the parent who
tries to see BOTH sides to a story thought for a second, 'Oh great, what happened? She got in trouble." I softly said, "It's okay, you don't have to be upset, just tell me what happened and we can talk about it." She promptly said in a rather brisk, elevated voice "Oh NO, I'm not sad. I'M ANGRY!", "Zack, he took my umbrella out of my backpack on the bus and when I tried to get it back from him, he pulled harder and harder and it broke! Right down the middle! I AM MAD!!" I asked her if Zack lived near us, she quickly replied "Yes, he lives over there! And they have a yellow truck and it has writing on the side!" I was in a rush to get to the gym for an aerobics class so I told her we could discuss it more when I got back then she could accompany her Dad & me over to Zack's house so that she could air her grievance. Then I left for the gym.
It takes approximately 10 minutes for me to get to the gym from my house. I was nearly there when I got a text that said, and I quote "She is still ranting about the umbrella lol. She said 'I don't like him. He is a failure. He does bad things and says bad things too." I diiiiied laughing because well for one, I was alone in my car and my child who was looking for guidance wasn't there (haha)and two, I was sort of shocked that this little six year old was just really standing her ground.
I presumed when I got home from the gym, she would've cooled off a little... ya' know, been less angry. Oh no, Momma was el wrongo. A little less anger met me but still very adamant about addressing the issue. As I placed dinner in the oven, she said "Can we go talk to Zack's family now?" I gotta' just be honest & say I really didn't think the umbrella was THAT big of a deal, I mean it was probably 5 or 10 bucks at Wal-Mart, for cryin' out loud it wasn't Burberry or anything! And I thought that she'd just let it go, that it was just a little tiff on the bus she had with some kid, eh no big deal. In her small, innocent 6 year old mind though ... it was a BIG deal! He broke her stinkin' umbrella for no good reason! I advised her that her Dad & I would go talk to his parents after dinner. That idea was met with objection. She said "But Mom, after dinner I take a bath, I brush my teeth and then I have to go to bed! I'll be asleep and I want to tell them now, I want to get this over with!"
How could I deny that?!? How could I effectively teach my 6 year old how to handle conflict if I was asking her to brush off something that was uber significant to her?!? So I squatted down to her level, looked her in the eye and said "Macy. If I take you over to Zack's, are YOU going to tell his parents? Are YOU going to tell him how that makes you feel? Because I don't want to go over there if you're just gonna be shy and talk to the ground. You have to look at them straight in the face and TELL them how it makes you feel and tell them what you expect!" Macy said, "Mom. I want to go RIGHT now. I want to get this over with. Iiiiii'm going to tell them." I was still unsure so I said "YOU'RE going to? His parents?" "YES MOM!", she replied. So off we went.
I was still going over in my mind the thought that she prooobably wasn't going to say much and if she did it would be a muffled, looking at the ground type conversation. Oh contrere, was I wrrrong! I knocked on the door, she stood right next to me (I thought she'd shy behind me). When the mom answered the door, I asked if this was Zack's house, she said yes. I explained who my daughter & I were and where we lived. I wanted to give Macy the opportunity to explain the "altercation" and do HER best so I only said, "I believe Macy and Zack had a confrontation on the bus today where some things happened she'd like to address. Is it alright if we come in for just a second?" The mother graciously agreed and allowed us in her home. Macy waited for her que to speak, I said "Okay, say what you feel like you need to say." The thoughts rushed into my mind ... "On no! What is she going to say?!? Is she going to explain it how she explained it to me? Is she going to just mutter out a few words?!? Is she going to call this families' child a failure?!?! Oh noooo, please Macy, please choose the right words. GOD, please help this child!"
Here's the part where I gotta' just puff my proud Mommy chest out because this brave little girl stood straight up and told it like it was. To a parent ... of another child. In their home. This is what she said, completely uncoached by me (oh, and also in a much less frantically angry voice than how it was earlier explained to me),
"Today on the bus, Zack took my umbrella out of my backpack and when I tried to
get it back he kept pulling harder and harder and he broke it right in half.
(she showed them the broken umbrella then) It made me sad because that is MY
umbrella and he just took it out of my backback and broke it."
Zack's parents of course had him come over & apologize. Macy said, "Thank you." Woah! Again, I was suprised by that because I've told her before when people apologize for things they've done wrong, you don't reply with a shrugging response of "that's okay" because it's NOT okay, if there's a reason for an apology then it WASN'T just "okay". Totally could not believe she just carried out what she'd learned. Macy didn't have to state her expectations (a new umbrella) because the mother very apologetically said Zack would be buying a new one w/ h
is own money
Lo & behold, 30 minutes later Zack and his mom showed up on our doorstep with a very teary-eyed Zack, a new umbrella AND an apology letter. Zack again apologized and expressed he would not do it again. As a parent, my heart just broke for the saddened little boy but at the same time I was SUPER proud of Macy Renee Walker for standing her ground, for not letting someone bully her and taking it upon herself to fix it.
Oh, by the way ... did I mention this kid is in THIRD grade?!?
is own money